So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
