No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
