WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
