Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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