I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
