Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
