Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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