I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
