i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
