How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So. Much. Porn.
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