i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
