He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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