I think I died a long time ago.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
