I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
