I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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