he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
