I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
