He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
