Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Too much gin, very little bucket
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
