He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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