where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
