coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
