I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We named our party play list daddy issues
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
