Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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