apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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