I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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