I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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