We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As shirtless as possible
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
