I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
