atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
