And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize