Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
