In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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