how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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