no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
