im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
