After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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