i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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