Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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