Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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