There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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