planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
