did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
