are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
