That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
