"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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