My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
