There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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