She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My bed is full of blood and feathers
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize