Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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