she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
