Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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