watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
