it hurts more in the daytime
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Even my vagina gasped.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
