we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
