Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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