The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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