have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
